.reunite.reach.out.let.go.LOVE

A family reunion. I know what your thinking… cat fights between the aunts, comparisons between cousins, looking for the next potential teen pregnancy in the family out of the corner of your minds eye. It’s pretty classic isn’t it? Sad, classic, but true. Every family has their deep seeded issues that were never talked about or resolved and we remember that one person in the family we never really figured out; the “black sheep’s” or the outsider’s looking in. Happens every year for most, maybe even twice a year for the unlucky ones. Ha

Growing up, I thought my family was perfect. Two amazing parents, poppa was a doctor, and momma was a slim, blonde, and beautiful stay at home mom with five perfect children. We were living the dream, or so everyone thought. No one knew that a giant rainbow flag was going to cover our dream house in 1996. At the time, when my dad came out and divorced my mom, I thought my whole world was crushed to tiny little pieces and I observed my whole world turn into this game of chess between my sibling and my parents, trying to get our pieces in order. It was quite the struggle and our family became the “talk of the town”… I can’t even begin to put into words what our family reunions were like. It felt like everyone was talking to each other but looking in our direction out of the corner of their eyes.

All of this should be a painful memory right? But, looking back I mostly remember the lessons I’ve learned from that experience. I remember the look on my mothers face when she continued to pray to God for support and help, how she leaned on God and on her faith to forgive my father and move forward. I remember my dad’s smile when he introduced us to Craig, the love of his life, and how happy he seemed in that moment. He was finally free to love whomever he chose. I remember my sister, so beautiful as a dancer in high school, the leader of our family, standing up for my dad and living her faith to it’s fullest by getting married in the temple to her husband of 10 years now. And last but not least, I remember my brothers, protecting me, loving me, and becoming more of a dad to me every single day. They never let me forget how hard they would punch the first guy who tried to break my heart. I remember EVERYONE learning lessons and overcoming obstacles that seemed impossible. Sure, those years were rough, but I wouldn’t trade them, not for anything in the world. They have made me who I am, and shaped my family into the most amazing people I know.

From the year 1996 to 2011, I have learned to forgive & forget, accept everything I can not change, pray, lean on God, trust my intuition, be the bigger person, let go of pride,  stand up for someone who can’t defend themselves, ask questions, be smart, but most of all, I’ve learned to love.

So, during your next family reunion, just remember, we are all learning lessons and even the seemingly “perfect” are learning something with you. We all contribute to the things we learn every single day. We are all teachers. Welcome the “black sheep” or the teenager who won’t turn down the music into your loving arms. Teach them how to love without saying a word. Isn’t that truly what family is all about?

~Radio Waves ~

I’ll start this post by explaining the last few days. For the past 5 days I have been sick, very sick, and for the most part in bed. One of those days was spent in the hospital with a ruptured ear drum. It’s been painful, boring, and I’m definitely sick of reality TV already, but most of all, I’ve had a lot of time to think.

Mostly I have been thinking about all the amazing things that have been happening in my life lately. Things like, meeting amazing new friends, making good money, feeling happy in my relationship with my family and boyfriend, great dog, house, toys… you get the picture. I’ve been thinking of all these things and telling myself that this illness was way past due. I mean, after all the positive stuff, something bad has to happen to even it out right? That’s just the way the cards of life are dealt?

As I got thinking about this I became more and more discouraged about what might happen next, or what “bad” thing might be due. I actually kind of freaked myself out for a minute but before I went outside and started digging a bomb shelter, I remembered something my dad used to tell me. He used to describe life and it’s circumstances something like this…

“Now Haley, I want you to look around this room and tell me what you see.”

“I see nothing. Nothing in here but me and you.”

“Your wrong. In this room are thousands of radio waves, but you just can’t see them. If you were to take a radio transmitter, you’d be able to hear all sort of different radio stations like, jazz, pop, rock, classical. They are all here for you to choose from and all of them make you feel a different way. It’s the same in life Haley Bug. There are many different stations to listen to, but if you tune yourself into the positive, uplifting stations, you will stay positive and uplifting to others and good things will happen from it.”

I always thought that was a good way to look at life, and a great lesson I’ve never forgotten. So, when I starting wondering when the next “bad” thing was due or what negative circumstance I might run into, I immediately remembered that story and changed my tune. After all, shouldn’t it be possible for me to have a full beautiful life? A life that has CONSTANT “good” circumstances? The answer is a simple yes. It is possible to live happily and without a lot of trouble or turmoile and for some stupid reason, we as humans, always expect something terrible to happen around the corner. We subject ourselves to the disaster/panic/anxiety radio waves, instead of the calm/clear/present radio waves that will continually improve our lives.

Now, I’m not saying my illness could have been avoided by positive thinking, no, that’s not logical or proven. I am just pointing out that instead of living your life “expecting” the worst, just be prepared for the worst and live for the cool and calm present. Live for a better tomorrow and expect to have the beautiful life we all deserve. Over and out. 

Perfectionism

To be perfect, or not to be perfect, can that really be a question? No, not really. In fact, I’m coming to realize that NO ONE is perfect and NO ONE has a choice. After 21 years of attempting I still can’t seem to get it right.

I used to believe that there was some “kind” of perfect. All I needed to do was please the people around me and I would end up being the perfect daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend. But it turns out, I can not accomplish such a hefty task. For example, being the perfect daughter or sister is impossible because I don’t have the same beliefs as the rest of my family, being the perfect friend is impossible because I would have to become selfless, and let’s face it, I’m not. Last but not least, being the perfect girlfriend is totally out of the question because at times I feel insecure, jealous, and yes, I do have episodes of PMS.

So, I am learning to accept the facts and learn how to be okay with being imperfect. I’m learning that even though I can’t please my family with my religious beliefs, at least I can show how much I love and care for them with or without the Bible or Book of Mormon. I’m striving to be a better friend with everything I do, and attempting to be more unselfish without losing myself in the process. And I am learning that the best girlfriend I can be just means communicating my insecurities, throwing my jealousy away, and taking Midol twice daily during my special time of the month. If I do all these things and take care of myself in the process I will not only be a better person in general, but I’ll be the most perfect, imperfect Haley B. Jones there is.